Tonight as I sit here, the kids are in bed. The hum of the washer and dryer fills the air and the dishwasher is in full swing. The house is semi picked up. I am exhausted from a long day of Bible study,running errands and being a Mom. As I entered my office school work is left half hazardly on the desk and the baby has poured Crayons all over my desk. Green Crayon is the color he chose to decorate the top of my laptop tonight.
My oldest son took his sheets off his bed for me to wash them. I wrestled with getting them put back on his top bunk in a fit of frustration. Getting the boys ready for bed is equally frustrating. The closet is in disarray. There are as many clothes tucked in the back corner on the floor as there are on the hangers. The drawers are in disarray. Nothing is easily found.
As my oldest son finished his school work tonight the younger boys and I attempted to play Checkers. No one knows the rules. The baby just crams them into the Checker, what do you call it, slot machine thing. Can't we play one game of Checkers the right way. Why does everything have to feel so hard? My mind tells me to find the silver lining in the cloud because one day I'm going to miss this. The reality is tonight I am spent. Physically and emotionally spent. Raising three boys is hard work.
I don't want to let you go because doing so will mean I have to walk by the sticky bathroom where bits of toilet paper have mysteriously appeared all over the floor. It will mean crunching over the cracker crumbs on the floor I was too tired to sweep up after dinner. It will mean walking through the sea of pillows on the living room floor because the boys like to toss them all on the floor and play.
The to do list never ends. The cleaning list never ends. The days are an endless cycle of putting out fires. Teaching. Training. Discipling. Snuggles. Cooking. Cleaning. Washing. I am thankful that at some point tonight my head will hit the pillow and rest will come easily.
In a few minutes I will head to wash my face and crawl into my pj's. On the way I will peep in on my boys, resting so sweetly in their beds. My heart will be filled with love for them and for these times in our life. I will go to bed and talk with the Lord until I fall asleep and it will be a sweet end to a long day. In the morning I will wake up refreshed and ready to do it all over again.
Life is hard.
Life is good.