We crashed and burned

...forget all the happy home talk from my last post.

This morning we got going and crashed and burned right out of the gate.  Two spilled cups of milk and one spilled cup of water.  That may not sound like much but it felt like a huge deal to me.

And I'm throwing in my number two pencil.  We've all cried and I think I'm going to quit being a teacher because it is too frustrating.  Adding and learning to write correctly is just too hard.  I can't teach it and they can't learn it.

You ever just feel like a big heap of a failure at what you've been doing?  Ever feel like you are on the wrong road and maybe it's time to get on a new one?  That's me this morning.  So frustrated and discouraged.  Rolling my eyes at all the happy home talk, wandering if it's even possible.

The last three days I've been in bed sick and the boys have been making do while I rested.  Empty bags of microwave popcorn and spilled Mountain Dew have lined the kitchen counters.  Games and movies on the TV have kept them occupied.  Our entire routine has gone to pot.  The result is lots of frustration because no one knows which end is up and which is down. 

I'm trying to get us back on track but I'm still worn out.  It's hard to give yourself grace when you are forced to slow down.  It's hard to just rest and take it as it comes.  It is hard to leave things undone and not give in to feeling like a lazy failure of a mom.

I'm gonna try though.  I may get up from this computer and crash and burn again and we'll have another re-start.  A happy home is not easily won.  I just read that in my book club book, Desperate, late week.  It is true.  A happy home is not easily won, but maybe with a little grace and perseverance it can get back on track.