Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Fashion Emergency

The following is a call from a Diva in Distress. Hopefully we can all learn from her so we don't find ourselves in the same emergency. Northern Diva's be warned because the potential for this disaster to strike your home is coming. Southern Divas please take caution.

911: 911 What's your emergency?

DID (Diva In Distress): Yes, I do not know what to do. It is hot outside today and I don't have anything to wear.

911: You have NOTHING to wear?

DID: That's right. NOTHING. If I have to wear my black outfit or a sweater again today I will surely fall over dead.

911: Do you have any possibilities in the attic you can pull down and try on?

DID: Yes, but the attic shrunk my clothes during the winter. Again.

911: Mam, Don't panic, I can help you. The important thing is to stay calm. You don't want to frighten the children or your husband or your checkbook.

911: You need to start by taking inventory of all your options. Spring days are coming. DO YOU HAVE A PAIR OF LIGHTWEIGHT PANTS OR CAPRIS? If not you need to locate a pair immediately. I don't care if you have to go to the Goodwill or the Walmarts. This is a staple to get you through.

DID: OK, I can locate a lightweight comfy pair of bottoms.

911: Now, let's talk about your legs and toes. Have you shaved your legs recently?

DID: I plead the 5th.

911: Well, you need to shave. Immediately.

911: How are your winter toes? What's the status on your polish?

DID: Well it depends. Do you see the polish on my toes half empty or half full?

911: Just as I figured. Take your winter polish off. Today. Here is how to give yourself a quick pedi. This is imperative as you will be wanting to wear sandals/flipflops in the coming days and weeks. Take a warm bowl and fill it with hot water and soap. Soak your feet and enjoy some TV. After 20 minutes or so, get one of those foot scrubber things and show your footsies some love. Lotion them. Repaint your nails.

DID: Cajun Shrimp?

911: Perfect.

(there is more to the call but you'll have to stay tuned...)

3 comments:

In His Army said...

I'm gonna have to say Amen to that. ha! Hope you're having a good week girl!

Geidlbots said...

I love you!!! You are so great.

New Every Morning said...

"the attic shrunk my clothes over the winter. again." = hysterical!!!

You make me laugh, especially how you use the word WalmartS.

I need a Fashion diva... I'm desperate!