Trophies of His Grace.
It's how my Pastor worded who we are on Sunday.
The ironic thing is most days I remain completely unaware of how valuable the trophy is. Most days life is lived in the here and now.
I ingest the Word. Say the prayer. Do the dishes. Take the phone call. Stir the sauce. Tuck them in bed. Read the story.
The morning begins each new days cycle. I move mindlessly through the routine we call life with no thought to my inner workings.
Only this week was different. Last week a new prayer found its way into the old. "Show me my sin." Not just the obvious ones. Show me the hidden ones. The ones who are so much a fabric of my days that I do not even recognize them for who they are anymore. I can't be that good and there's got to be more.
And one by one they begin to show their faces. In the midst of beautiful Fall days, filled with vibrance of color from purplish red to fiery orange, eyes are opened to the tainted. The sin stained soul.
The Pumpkin Cupcake candle flickers and fills the room with comforting smells and sights and the sin stained one carries about her duties.
She seeks control when it is not hers to be had. The judgemental, critical thoughts dance across her mind. Pride of the ugliest kind follows closely on its heels. One by one they begin showing up, those hidden sins, and she begins to understand something of her sin nature.
Most of it is hidden. It is underneath the surface. In the hidden places of the heart and mind. It makes her prayer sweeter when she prays,
"Be gracious to me, O God, according to your lovingkindness, according to the greatness of your compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that you are justified with you speak and blameless when you judge.
You desire truth in my innermost being and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
Purify me so I will be clean. Wash me and I will be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness. Let the bones you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins. Blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your Presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit.
Deliver me from my guilt so my mouth can joyfully sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips so that my mouth can declare your praise. You do not care about sacrifice or I would bring it. The sacrifices of you Lord are a broken spirit and an apologetic, regretful heart, those you will not despise."