Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I Came Home...

A little over a week ago I quit my job that provided for us over the last 8 years. It has been a long struggle for me to completely know the Lord was asking me to quit and to fully come home.  But when the end came, I knew with clarity it was an act of obedience that was being asked of me.

A little over a year ago, my eyes were opened one ordinary morning.  The boys were lined up at the breakfast bar eating cereal and it is like the blinders fell off my eyes.  They are getting so big.  They were growing fast and I was missing a large part of it.  Running a thriving business was getting the best of my energy.  I was reading in the book of Haggai later that day and it further confirmed what I was already starting to see.  Is now the time to dwell in paneled houses while this house lies desolate?  Consider your ways.  You have sown much, but harvest little; you eat, but there is not enough to be satisfied; and he who earns, earns wages to put into a purse with holes.

God was removing His hand of blessing on a provision that once housed His hand of blessing.  He started frustrating my plans.  The work of my hands was leaving me unsatisfied.  The process to completely confirm He was asking me to fully quit took nearly two years.  And Friday, July 5th, I came home.

It was a strange afternoon when it was done.  Shane was out of the country.  The boys were at the neighbors.  I had a rare gift, the house all to myself.  I felt lost at first.  What do I do with myself?  So I methodically started going from room to room, cleaning, fluffing, turning on lamps, lighting candles, and cultivating beauty in my little corner of the world.  The boys came home and we had a southern dinner on the patio. 

(all photography by Lulu Photography)
Now my full time job is wife and mama.  I am overflowing with joy at the prospect.  No divided interests.  Just the freedom to be.  It is a costly sacrifice and one that I did come to quickly.  This process has taught me that there are not enough paychecks in the world to compensate and satisfy if God has removed His hand of blessing.

My heart is to cultivate this home, these hearts.  It is my favorite place on earth to be.  I re-sew the ripped furniture.  I wipe down the baseboards with chipped paint.  We pull weeds out of flower beds and cook good food in the kitchen.  We'll become masters at creating the beauty and fun right here within these walls.

Obeying has surprised me with happiness.  Sheer, flat out happiness.  I cannot wipe the smile of my face.

1 comment:

New Every Morning said...

I love how the Lord speaks to us. His Word rings true and is so personal. I am on the other end of the stay-at-home mom line. My youngest is almost ten. I've spent the last 14 years home (mostly, except when I taught at their preschool). The Lord has been prompting my heart via Proverbs 31 that it is time to step out into the scary world and help bring home some bacon for the family. Over the course of the summer, my role has changed. But my Savior has been gentle and it's been a slow transition into part time work. Rejoicing that you heard His call and answered ... yes!
Hugs, sweet friend!