Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The Big Flop

Well, the bean ordeal was so bad I am just now bringing myself to talk about it a week later.

They were terrible.

Almost everyone cried.

Our only saving grace was that we were having Home Church at our house that night and we all knew I was serving cupcakes and lime sherbet punch.  I made empty threats about no beans no dessert, but when I couldn't even eat them that threat had to fly out the window cause we all know Big Mama was having dessert and that's all I have to say about that.

I think my seasoning effort was wrong.

Last week I cooked three times.

There were tears and revolts at all three meals.  Declarations were made about how the boys like Dad's cooking so much better than mine.

The most explosive meal in regard to the melt-downs was biscuit and sausage gravy night.  You'd of thought I served them road kill the way they carried on.  "You knoooooowwww I don't like sausage boo hoo hooooo."  The drama was so intense all we could do was burst into laughter with naturally fueled the flame.

Clearly I have failed in motherhood.  The fact that my children do not appreciate a good cream gravy just pains me.  I have failed in raising these boys in the proper Southern ways.  Such a sad day.

Today we had a snow day and went to the movies to see Planes.  The boys were so confused about us taking a snow day.  Where's the snow? they asked.  So literal, those kids.  Planes was cute.  It started out slow but maybe I was distracted by the robotic way my hand kept ending up in the popcorn bucket.  At one point I was praying for Dusty because mean old Ripslinger tried to sabotage the race.  Do you pray for people in movies too?  Funny, eh.  Nothing another handful of popcorn can't fix.

I love going to the movies.  It is so fun.

So this week we're relying on Kids Eat Free around town again.  Thank heavens for Kids Eat Free and frozen pizza.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


This morning, I was up between 2-5am.  Why?

It was a combination of things.


Five dollar footlongs.  Any Any Any Five...

Do you  know how frustrating it is to be wanting sleep and all you can think about is a cotton picking steak and cheese on white with provolone, banana peppers, mustard and extra salt and pepper?

It was the worst form of torture.

And then there are the beans.

I am afraid of dried beans.  In my cooking career, I have never mustered the courage to cook a dried pinto bean.  I've made layered French crepe cakes, I've tackled Martha's most daunting instructions, but I have never mastered the bean.

Growing up I remember Mamaw cooking a big old pot of beans.  Jettie Lou would have those beans simmering and it made the whole house smell good.  And they tasted even better.

Several years ago I bought a package of pinto beans.  And they sat and sat in my pantry, mocking me every time I saw them.  I did eventually use them.  As pie weights on a pie crust.  I know what you are thinking.  Buck up woman. 

See, I have Leguminophobia.  It is the fear of the bean and I have it.

My other Mamaw, Merle, brought some beans to dinner recently and they were so good.  It re-motivated me that maybe this was my time to conquer the dreaded bean and my Leguminophobia.

We went to the Kroger and I bought a bag.  They are cheaper than I remembered.  $2 and some change for a gargantu bag.  I brought them home and they have mocked me every time I open the pantry.  Curse you bean.  So last night, between my head singing about five dollar subs, I was also thinking about the bean and how it has mastered me.

This morning I woke with a new resolve.  I marched right into that kitchen with authority and poured myself a big glass of chocolate milk.  Me and my choco milk marched ourselves to the pantry and pulled the beans off the shelf.

Much to my surprise there are even directions printed on the bag.  Even though I have a recipe printed you cannot imagine my comfort in the knowledge that now I had two sets of directions-not to mention the bean talk texts I've been having with a fellow Southerner friend.

I rinsed those bad boys like I owned em.  I think I even pulled out a small rock.  Oh the victory.  They are soaking happily in a bowl right now and this afternoon I am going in with the pot of water and sliced up bacon.

Wish me luck!  I am skeered.

Monday, September 16, 2013

For Real

We are officially in our second week of school.  Mr. Mom gave it a good try and now I am back.  You might say our days have been filled with unicorns and rainbows.  Or.  Well, there has rather been some weeping and gnashing of teeth, especially over English/Handwriting.  Poor kids.  The things I put them through.  I am fairly certain I have seen tears every day.

It is just so much more fun to play, you see.  We're finding our groove again and it feels good.  Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a few months.  It was great to be back.  I have missed the preaching and worship and people.

I am remembering that I like teaching these little fellas, and slowly I think they are remembering it is not all that bad.  If it weren't for having to do handwriting every day, we would be free of tears altogether I think.  But my sweet red head hates to write.  And his mama feels strongly that he needs to write every day of his live long life.

In other news, Saturday I had a lengthy one hour conversation with my five year old about his upcoming birthday.  Understand when I say upcoming, we have over half a year left until the big event.  And understand by conversation what I am really saying is he chatted non-stop the entire time about his big ideas.

Basically he wants fruit (strawberries, pineapple and cantaloupe). Is it just me or is it unbelievably cute that the kid requested cantaloupe for his party?  Please don't go thinking we're health nuts around here.  Although it was a proud mama moment for me, I do realize that this is the same child who has been eating Doritos and Popsicles for lunch.

He listed off every. single. person. hehasevermet to invite to the big event. 

The funniest part of the conversation was how he kept using the word "freakishly" to describe the detail.  He asked if we could turn the air down to make it freakishly cold so we could turn on the fireplace.  Heck yeah kid, what are parents for!  It is when the requests started getting outlandish that I started to get worried.  He has plans to move the fireplace to a different wall.  It was Ok when I said it would leave a big hole in the wall-his solution was to put the green wingback chair in the hole spot and that is where he could open gifts.

The rest of the requests include things of the Pokemon cake, icing cake, and moving the ceiling fan to a new location type of nature.

Yep.  It was a great conversation.  I hope to see you at the party late Spring of 2014 because you know you'll be invited.  Ha.